It was tiring approaching every new situation as if there was pain right around the corner. I was tired of only connecting physically, and not emotionally or mentally. I wanted more, but I was giving nothing. I've loved only one person since my last relationship. I wasn't in-love, thats something different. But, who's to say we couldn't get there? It was the type of love friends shared. It wasn't the type of love that strangled you, or the love that was all or nothing. It was a love that will last forever, because the only goal of that love is to see happiness; whether that be together or apart. The type of love that made me want to take a risk on my seemingly fragile heart. I let that connection go unintentionally. At the time, I was unable to understand my own heart, making it completely impossible to understand another. When that bond started to feel real, I retreated to my comfort. Real was scary. Real meant that I was making myself susceptible to embarrassment, rejection, or even worse... loss. It was hard for me to receive the passion or care he tried to give. I let our bond slip. I ran and hadn't looked back until recent. I didn't know I missed him, until I missed him. Weeks passed by and he was never on my mind until I started to reflect. A skill he had insisted I work on when we were still apart of each others life. When I started to reflect I focused on myself. I thought about who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. I acknowledged the growth that I've made. I realized that a couple months ago when I thought I had healed completely from my last burn, that I was still bruised. If I was healed, I would feel then, how I feel now. Ready to love or like openly and honestly. The moment I realized what I had done, I felt the need to reconcile and maybe salvage the bits and pieces of the love I let leave. I took a risk and communicated my regret. I was too late. Time had gotten the best of us. Things change fast. These days I take everything one step at a time. I'm not looking for anything, but I am confident that whenever love finds me I will be ready to receive and nurture it. I am ready for love in all aspects whether it be familial, through friendship, or through relationship. I've finally healed and it's beautiful. How lucky am I to have healed with no scar.
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I am young, and still trying to figure this adult thing out. I come from a West Indian household, and my life has been a series of unexpected events, like most.